How to Use Reverse Psychology to Make Someone Chase You

Let’s be real—when someone plays a little hard to get, it can make them 10 times more intriguing. But what if you could take that game to the next level using actual psychological principles? That’s where reverse psychology in dating comes into play. It’s not about manipulation—it’s about understanding human behavior and using it to create attraction.

So, how do you use reverse psychology to make someone chase you? Let’s break it down.

What Is Reverse Psychology (and Why Does It Work)?

Reverse psychology is a persuasion technique where you encourage someone to do the opposite of what you actually want them to do. It works because people value their independence and don’t like feeling controlled.

According to Dr. Sharon Brehm, the psychologist behind Reactance Theory, humans resist anything that threatens their freedom of choice. When you tell someone they can’t have something, they want it even more. This is why playing it too safe or showing too much interest too soon can sometimes backfire in dating.

Step 1: Be Less Available (Without Ghosting)

One of the most effective ways to use reverse psychology is to create scarcity. People want what they can’t easily have. Instead of always being available for texts or dates, mix in a little unpredictability.

• Don’t reply instantly – Let them wonder what you’re up to.

• Have a busy life – When someone sees you thriving, they want to be part of that world.

• Cancel (occasionally, not constantly) – If you say, “Hey, I’d love to, but I have plans tonight. Maybe another time?” they’ll start to see you as a prize they need to earn.

Why it works: The Zeigarnik Effect, a psychological principle studied by Bluma Zeigarnik, suggests that people remember unfinished tasks better than completed ones. When your attention isn’t always available, they’ll keep thinking about you.

Step 2: Agree With Their Objections

Imagine someone tells you, “I don’t think we’d be a good match.” Instead of defending yourself or trying to prove them wrong, try saying, “You might be right.”

This disarms their resistance and makes them second-guess their decision. Suddenly, they’re the ones trying to convince themselves (and you) otherwise.

Why it works: The Backfire Effect, researched by Brendan Nyhan and Jason Reifler, shows that when people feel their beliefs are being challenged, they dig in deeper. But if you validate their belief, they become more open to reconsidering it.

Step 3: Compliment Someone Else

Want to subtly make someone more interested? Casually mention another person in a positive way. For example:

• “I met someone really cool today—so funny and interesting!”

• “You remind me of this person I know; they’re so charismatic.”

This triggers a subtle sense of competition without making them feel like you’re trying to manipulate them.

Why it works: The Scarcity Principle, studied by Dr. Robert Cialdini, states that people value things more when they feel like they might lose them. By showing that others find you attractive, you instantly become more desirable.

Step 4: Pull Away Just When They Get Comfortable

Ever notice how people appreciate things more once they’re gone? If things are getting comfortable, take a small step back:

• Stop initiating plans for a while.

• Respond a little less enthusiastically.

• Be just a bit harder to read.

This creates an emotional gap that they’ll instinctively try to close.

Why it works: The Dopamine Chase Effect, explored by neuroscientist Dr. Kent Berridge, shows that our brains release more dopamine when we’re pursuing something rather than when we actually have it. That’s why people enjoy the thrill of the chase.

Step 5: Be Unpredictable (Keep Them Guessing)

Predictability can be the enemy of attraction. If they always know what to expect from you, the excitement fades. Keep things interesting by:

• Changing up your texting patterns.

• Suggesting spontaneous plans.

• Throwing in playful teases like, “I have a surprise for you, but you have to wait.”

Why it works: Studies on intermittent reinforcement (by B.F. Skinner) show that people are more hooked on something when they don’t always get it. This is why slot machines and dating can both be addictive!

Step 6: Show You’re Willing to Walk Away

Confidence is key. If someone senses that you need them to chase you, they won’t. But if they feel like you could walk away at any moment, they’ll want to lock you down.

• Set boundaries – Don’t accept less than what you deserve.

• Don’t chase them – If they pull away, give them space instead of chasing.

• Make sure your life is full – People want to chase someone who has an exciting, fulfilling life.

Why it works: Dr. John Gottman’s research on relationships shows that high self-worth is one of the most attractive traits in a partner.

The Final Word: Reverse Psychology Is a Subtle Art

Reverse psychology isn’t about mind games or manipulation—it’s about understanding human nature and using it to create authentic attraction. The key takeaways:

• Don’t always be available.

• Agree with their objections (it makes them rethink).

• Create a little competition.

• Pull away when things get too comfortable.

• Keep them guessing.

• Show you’re willing to walk away.

When used correctly, reverse psychology can make someone chase you—not because they’re being tricked, but because their natural instincts are leading them to see you as irresistible.

Looking for more dating insights? Explore our site for tips, tricks, and real psychology-backed strategies to master the dating game!