How to Tell If Someone Is Just Stringing You Along

Ever feel like you're stuck in a dating limbo, where someone keeps you around but never actually moves things forward? It’s like waiting for a text that never comes—except when they need something. If that sounds familiar, you might be getting strung along. The tricky part? People who do this are usually just charming enough to keep you hooked but never truly committed. Let’s break down the signs, backed by psychology, so you can tell if they’re serious or just wasting your time.

1. They Love the Chase—But Not the Catch

At first, they were all about you. Texting, calling, planning exciting dates—it felt like you’d finally met someone who was just as into you as you were into them. But suddenly, when you start reciprocating, their enthusiasm vanishes. According to Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and relationship expert, some people are addicted to the thrill of pursuit but lose interest once real emotions get involved. In her 2016 study on romantic attraction, Fisher found that dopamine—the brain’s pleasure chemical—spikes during the chase, making the pursuit exhilarating. However, once a relationship stabilizes, dopamine levels drop, leading some individuals to seek new excitement elsewhere. As Fisher puts it, 'The biological mechanism for romantic love is designed for motivation, not necessarily long-term attachment.' If they seem to enjoy winning you over but pull away once you show commitment, it’s a red flag.

2. Their Communication Is Inconsistent

One minute, they’re sending heart emojis and talking about future plans. The next, they disappear for days, only to resurface with a casual “Hey, you up?” at midnight. This is classic breadcrumbing—giving you just enough attention to keep you interested but never enough to build something real. A study by Dr. Brandy Engler, author of The Men on My Couch, analyzed the dating behaviors of 200 individuals and found that inconsistent communication is a common tactic used by emotionally unavailable people to maintain control while avoiding commitment. The study highlighted that 68% of participants who experienced on-and-off communication reported feeling emotionally manipulated in their relationships.

3. They Avoid Defining the Relationship

You’ve been seeing each other for weeks (or even months), yet every time you bring up exclusivity or where things are going, they dodge the question. If someone is genuinely interested, they won’t leave you guessing. Avoiding the “What are we?” conversation usually means they enjoy the benefits of your company but don’t want to commit to anything serious.

4. They Keep You as an Option, Not a Priority

Ever feel like you’re on standby? They cancel plans at the last minute, take forever to reply to texts, or only reach out when it’s convenient for them. If you feel like an option rather than a priority, it’s a strong sign they’re stringing you along. Relationship therapist Esther Perel notes that people who avoid commitment often keep multiple connections going to avoid deep emotional investment.

5. You Rarely See Them in Real Life

You text often, maybe even talk on the phone, but when it comes to actual dates? Crickets. They always have an excuse: too busy, out of town, overwhelmed with work. If they truly wanted to see you, they’d make time. If weeks pass without any effort to meet up, you’re likely just a backup plan.

6. They’re Always Flirting, Even with Others

Some people love attention but not commitment. If they’re constantly flirting with others, keeping their dating apps active, or mentioning how “everyone hits on them,” they may be keeping their options open. A 2019 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that people who engage in excessive flirting outside their primary romantic interest are 40% less likely to commit in the long run, compared to those who focus on one partner at a time.

7. They Give You Just Enough Hope to Stay

Every time you start pulling away, they do something sweet—send a thoughtful text, make vague promises about the future, or suddenly shower you with attention. This isn’t a sign of real commitment; it’s a strategy to keep you emotionally invested. If their efforts only appear when you start losing interest, they’re likely just keeping you around for convenience.

8. You Feel Emotionally Drained

Dating should feel exciting and fulfilling, not exhausting and confusing. If you spend more time overanalyzing their behavior than actually enjoying the relationship, it’s a major sign they’re stringing you along. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship psychologist, emphasizes that healthy relationships bring clarity, not constant uncertainty.

What to Do Next

If these signs sound painfully familiar, it’s time to take control. Stop waiting for them to change and start prioritizing your own happiness. A serious partner will make their intentions clear, communicate consistently, and make an effort to be with you.

Not sure what to do next? Check out our other dating guides to help you navigate the modern dating world with confidence!