The Do’s and Don’ts of Messaging on Tinder

First Impressions Matter: Nail Your Opening Message

Tinder isn’t just about swiping right—it’s about what happens after the match. A great first message can set the tone for a fun, engaging conversation. A bad one? Well, let’s just say it might be the last message you send.

Do: Personalize Your Opener

Generic openers like "Hey" or "What's up?" won’t make you stand out. A study by OkCupid found that personalized messages get a 30% higher response rate than generic ones. If their profile mentions a love for hiking, ask about their favorite trail. If they have a dog in their pictures, inquire about their pup's name. Showing that you actually looked at their profile makes a huge difference.

Don’t: Use Pickup Lines (Unless They’re Hilarious)

"Are you French? Because Eiffel for you." If you can pull off a witty line, go for it! But if it feels forced, it might come off as cringey. Instead of a cliché pickup line, try a playful question like, "Two truths and a lie? Let’s see if I can guess!"

Keep the Conversation Flowing

Once you've got their attention, it's time to keep things interesting. A boring chat is a fast track to getting ghosted.

Do: Ask Open-Ended Questions

Instead of "How was your day?" try "What was the best part of your day?" This invites a more engaging response and keeps the conversation moving.

Don’t: Interview Them

Nobody wants to feel like they're in a job interview. Avoid rapid-fire questions like, "Where do you work?" "What do you do for fun?" "Where do you see yourself in five years?" Instead, let the conversation flow naturally.

Be Playful, But Respect Boundaries

Do: Use Humor

Laughter builds connection. In fact, a study by Dr. Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas found that shared humor increases attraction. A playful joke or a lighthearted tease can go a long way in making your conversation memorable.

Don’t: Overdo the Sarcasm

Not everyone picks up on sarcasm via text. If you’re too dry, you might come across as rude instead of funny. Gauge their responses to see if they’re vibing with your humor.

Avoid Common Tinder Turn-Offs

Do: Keep It Light

Tinder is meant to be fun. Talk about shared interests, travel, food, or funny stories. If the chat starts feeling like a therapy session, you might be moving too fast.

Don’t: Be Overly Sexual Right Away

Sending suggestive messages too soon is a one-way ticket to getting unmatched. A survey by Tinder itself found that most users are looking for meaningful conversations, not immediate hookups.

Know When (and How) to Move Off the App

Do: Suggest a Real-Life Date (At the Right Time)

If the conversation is flowing well, suggest meeting up. A casual "Hey, we've been chatting for a bit, want to grab coffee this weekend?" is a great way to transition off the app.

Don’t: Rush It

Pushing too soon can feel desperate. If they seem hesitant, keep the chat going a bit longer before bringing it up again.

Final Thoughts

Messaging on Tinder doesn’t have to be complicated. Be genuine, keep it fun, and respect boundaries, and you’ll have way more success. If you're looking for more tips on dating and attraction, check out our other articles—there's plenty more to explore!