How To Kill Emotions in Relationships

They say love is like a garden: it needs to be nurtured, fed, and cared for. But sometimes, whether intentionally or not, we find ourselves doing all the wrong things to that metaphorical love garden—basically stomping on the roses, throwing in some emotional weeds, and wondering why everything feels so dull and disconnected. So, if you’re curious about how to kill emotions in a relationship (or more likely, how not to), buckle up. We're diving into the surefire ways to drain emotional attraction and what you can do to avoid it.

1. Stop Communicating Altogether

Want to watch the emotions in your relationship slowly pack up and leave? Easy: just stop talking. Or, if you do talk, make sure it's all surface-level stuff. Discuss the weather, grumble about work, but never—ever—dive into how you’re feeling or ask about your partner’s inner world.

Why It Works (to Kill Emotions):

Relationships are built on communication. A 2018 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships emphasized that emotional intimacy often stems from meaningful and honest conversations. When those conversations disappear, so does the emotional connection. Dr. Sue Johnson, an expert in bonding science, has even highlighted that emotional safety comes from knowing you can talk and be heard. So, if you neglect communication, you’re pretty much putting a “For Sale” sign on your emotional closeness.

Pro Tip:

Instead of avoiding conversations, try leaning into them. Discuss dreams, fears, or even random thoughts. Ask questions and really listen. It’s a quick antidote to emotional disconnection.

2. Make Criticism Your Love Language

Nothing says, “I’m not emotionally invested in you” quite like consistent criticism. Point out your partner’s flaws regularly. Be sure to highlight every mistake, and make sure they know they’re just not measuring up.

Why It’s So Effective:

Criticism cuts deeper than most realize. According to Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist famous for studying marriage and relationships, criticism is one of the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” when it comes to relationship killers. It chips away at emotional safety, making your partner feel less valued and more defensive.

Reverse Tip:

Instead of criticizing, practice appreciation. Point out what you love or admire about your partner. This simple shift can reintroduce warmth and emotional connection almost instantly.

3. Embrace Emotional Distance

If you want to kill emotions in your relationship, emotional distance is your new best friend. Forget hugs, forget holding hands, and definitely forget those deep, soulful looks into each other’s eyes. Create a fortress of emotional detachment.

The Science of Emotional Withdrawal:

Attachment theory, a psychological framework developed by John Bowlby, suggests that humans are wired to seek closeness and reassurance from their loved ones. Emotional distance taps into the opposite: it triggers feelings of insecurity, loneliness, and even anxiety. Basically, by being distant, you’re telling your partner that emotional safety and support are off the table.

A Better Approach:

Be intentionally affectionate. Small acts of physical and emotional warmth can rekindle emotional bonds that feel lost. Even something as simple as a warm hug or genuine eye contact can make a world of difference.

4. Be As Predictably Boring As Possible

Routines are great for some things, like a good skincare regimen. But in relationships? A surefire way to kill the spark is to never change things up. Dinner and a movie, every Friday, forever. No surprises, no spontaneous adventures, just the same-old, same-old until you're both about as emotionally stimulated as houseplants.

What Research Says:

Dr. Arthur Aron’s research on love and attraction showed that novelty and shared new experiences can reignite passion and emotional attraction. When we do exciting things with our partners, our brains release dopamine, the feel-good chemical associated with pleasure. So, sticking to the same routine kills this dopamine boost and, with it, emotional excitement.

Try This Instead:

Inject some novelty into your relationship. Try a new activity together, go on an unexpected adventure, or even just surprise each other with thoughtful gestures. A little bit of spontaneity can breathe life back into an emotionally stagnant relationship.

5. Avoid Vulnerability Like the Plague

If you want to successfully kill emotions, vulnerability is your enemy. Keep your guard up. Don’t let your partner see you cry, and never admit when you’re struggling. Build emotional walls as high as you can.

Why Vulnerability Is So Important:

Dr. Brené Brown, a researcher and expert on vulnerability, has shown that vulnerability is the cornerstone of meaningful connection. When you’re open and honest about your feelings, you create a safe space for emotional intimacy. Conversely, hiding your true self makes genuine connection nearly impossible.

The Brave Move:

Practice sharing your emotions. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed” or “I’m scared about this” can deepen your connection and bring emotional warmth back into your relationship.

6. Focus Only on Your Needs

Being self-centered is a fantastic strategy for killing emotions. Make every conversation about you, your goals, and your day. Forget about asking your partner how they’re doing or what they need. After all, it’s all about you, right?

The Empathy Factor:

Empathy is one of the unsung heroes of emotional attraction. Research in social psychology, including studies by Dr. Daniel Batson, shows that when people feel understood and cared for, they’re more likely to feel connected and emotionally invested. Ignoring your partner’s needs, on the other hand, sends a clear message: “Your feelings don’t matter to me.”

Empathetic Tip:

Shift the focus. Make an effort to show genuine interest in your partner’s life. Ask questions, be curious, and validate their feelings. Sometimes, just knowing someone cares can reignite emotional closeness.

7. Be Unreliable and Break Promises

Nothing erodes emotional attraction faster than a lack of trust. Make plans and cancel them. Promise to be there for important moments and then ghost. Trust is overrated, right?

The Impact of Broken Promises:

Dr. Gottman’s research also highlights the importance of trust in maintaining emotional intimacy. When you’re unreliable, it creates a sense of instability in the relationship. Your partner begins to feel like they can’t depend on you, and that’s a recipe for emotional disconnection.

Trust-Building Tip:

If you want to rebuild trust, start small. Keep your promises, be honest when you can’t, and show up consistently. Trust is earned over time, and every reliable action counts.

8. Keep Your Emotions Bottled Up

Feelings? What feelings? If you want to put the final nail in the coffin of emotional attraction, suppress everything. Anger, sadness, joy—just push it all down. Your partner doesn’t need to know what’s going on in your heart.

The Psychological Toll:

Studies show that emotional suppression can lead to higher stress levels and relationship dissatisfaction. A 2013 study by Dr. James Gross at Stanford University found that couples who suppress emotions experience lower levels of relationship satisfaction. Emotions, when not expressed, can create a sense of emotional distance.

Healthier Habits:

Express your emotions, even if it feels uncomfortable. Start small if you have to. A simple “I’m feeling sad today” can open the door to more meaningful conversations and greater emotional closeness.

Bringing It All Together

So, there you have it: a detailed guide on how to kill emotions in your relationship. But if you’re reading this because you actually want to do the opposite (which, let’s be honest, is most likely the case), you now have a roadmap of what to avoid.

Relationships are complex, beautiful things. They take work, vulnerability, and sometimes the courage to shake things up. If you’re struggling to feel emotionally connected, remember: every small step towards better communication, understanding, and trust can bring you closer to a more emotionally fulfilling partnership.

And, hey, if all else fails, a spontaneous weekend road trip or heartfelt conversation under the stars never hurt anyone.